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Talking and Communicating When I first started the Narrative Television Network, our entire corporate flow chart consisted of two people - Kathy Harper and me. You would think this would virtually ensure good communication given that there were only two of us; however, communication often broke down, and Kathy taught me many lessons on how two or more people cannot only talk and listen but truly communicate. One of the most important lessons Kathy taught me regarding communication is the process of ranking a statement. The phrase "This is important" is heard millions of times in people's business or personal lives each day. So while you may utter the phrase, "This is important" and while someone may, indeed, hear your words, you may have not necessarily communicated your thoughts. Just because you are talking does not necessarily mean
anyone's listening. Kathy taught me how to quantify statements numerically on a scale of 1 to 10. Taking the statement "This is important" numerically would work as follows. If ,someone came into your office or home and said '1 have something to talk about and this is important," you would understand that those words can mean nothing or everything. On a scale of 1 to 10, "This is important" at level 1 might mean "I have a thought or idea that I want to share with you. If you think it has merit, we can proceed. If not, I don't really care." At level 1 0, the phrase "This is important," would mean "I have a life or death issue affecting our personal or professional future. This is vital to me to the extent that unless everyone can see this my way I will have to discontinue this relationship or affiliation." The term "love" is another generic misunderstanding waiting to happen. People use the word so loosely that within the context of one hour, someone might communicate they love baseball, they love hotdogs, they love a certain TV program, they love their dog, they love ice cream, or they love their child. While every statement may be accurate, the degree must be quantified if you are truly going to communicate. With the advent of instant communication, the world has changed. For thousands of years, people dealt with the fact that it took days, weeks, or even months to communicate. It is interesting to go back even to the beginning of the last century when kings, presidents, and prime ministers communicated via letters. There was much more thought and preparation that went into the drafting of a letter than a brief e- mail or phone call that we deal with today. Now, if you over-react in a communication, there may be four or five interactions in the space of a few moments. When you over-react, causing the other person to further over-react in response, situations can escalate and the miscommunication becomes a bigger issue than the issue you were dealing with in the first place. There are even times when, at the end of an argument, everyone forgets what the original disagreement was about. As you go through your day today, don't only ask,"What did you say?" Ask,
"What did you mean when you said that?" |
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