What Have I Done For You Lately?
BY CHRISTINE LONGMORE

Giving and receiving are the basic ingredients for most relationships, but it is a rare relationship that is based more on intentions of giving instead of receiving. "What have you done for me lately?" seems to be the question everyone is asking their boyfriend, wife, or significant other these days.
Maybe a better question to ask would be, "What have I done to deserve something good in return?" In our efforts to find and maintain loving relationships, many of us behave as if we are bargain hunting. "How can I get more for less?"

Love is a noun in the dictionary. Loving is a verb -- an action word. The act of loving someone is something that has to be done, not just said. One mistake many people make is paying too much attention to mainstream media and its collective definition of love. The popular talk shows and shock shows are hosted by people who understand and capitalize on knowing what the public wants to see and hear, packaging exactly that, and delivering it to them religiously. It's about their bottom line.

We would all do well to re-examine and re-define our definition of love from time to time. Ask yourself if you could be a more loving man or woman. Like the old saying goes, "You get more bees with honey than with vinegar:' The lack of forgiveness gets in the way of the positive flow of love. Did you ever notice how forgiving children can be? Did you ever wonder why growing up makes people lose that gift?  Or forget how to use it? It takes much more energy and causes more stress to hold something against someone than it does to forgive and forget. There are, of course, things that can only be forgiven from afar. If someone doesn't I treat you right again and again, you can forgive them - and forget them too.

Self-esteem deficiencies are also an obstacle to giving and receiving love. It is impossible to love someone who doesn't love himself. It is impossible to be loved if you don't first love yourself. It, is possible though, through giving love, to help someone learn to I love her self.

Trying to help someone change and trying to change someone are very different things. Believing that one person can change another can be a trap that two people easily fall into. One person ends up supplying all the love for both people and eventually gets tired of working overtime. Women in particular seem to make this mistake often.

Trying to change someone looks like devoted, unconditional love on the surface. However, it is really a safe and socially acceptable way of focusing attention on everyone and everything else.

Trying to change someone looks like devoted, unconditional love on the surface. However, it is really a safe and socially acceptable way of focusing attention on everyone and everything else, This is done in order to avoid the more difficult task of looking inside at one's own needs and issues that require tending to first. Giving itself is good and l;1ealthy. It is a sign of strength. Giving too much or giving without ever receiving something in return means you are giving to the wrong person.

Many people who are searching for their "true love" become so focused on that, they miss other opportunities to give and receive love~. I'm not talking about the chocolate mousse kind of love that makes you weak in the knees, just the plain old instant pudding kind of love that is all around us. It still counts for something.

@ Christine Longmore. All Rights Reserved.Christine Longmore is a writer. She has provided consulting services and produced a successful series of seminars for Employment Specialists.